Monthly Archives: May 2008

Like, OMG, how annoying!

I swear I’ve never been so close to committing homicide as I was Thursday evening on the CTA.

First off, Rick and I enjoyed part two of his birthday gift by taking in Avenue Q down at the Cadillac Palace, and wow it was so un-PC, I LOVED it! I mean, how many places can one get away with singing that ‘everyone is little bit racist’ or that “the internet is for porn’ and make it funny? I didn’t know whether to laugh or be appalled, so I was a bit of both. The most ridiculous part was watching puppets fuck on stage! So irreverant, you must see this show.

Afterwards, our plan was to try and take in a 12:01am showing of Sex and the City. I’ve been dying to see this movie. Go figure, all showings were sold out… at 10pm. So, we proceeded home instead.

After having to navigate the twists and turns that is Chicago transit under construction, we boarded a north bound Red Line, and just our luck, two chatty Cathys sit down behind us. Now, remember when mom always taught you to use your inside voice? Well, these two missed that lesson, because they were yapping up a storm at the top of their lungs from Lake Street all the way north.

Granted, I wouldn’t normally care about people talking on the train. Public place, talk all you want. But this one chick had a voice that could grate Parmesan 10 miles away. Not only that, her and her friend were the most vapid, soul sucking bimbos this side of the Mississippi. Here’s an example, and no, this is not exaggeration:

‘Like, Morgan, I can’t believe, like, she is so sad.’

‘I know, like, wow, she totally screwed that up.’

‘But you so cannot tell anyone. Like, she’s not like my real good friend, but I am the only one who knows. And a couple of guys know. So you can’t tell anyone.’

‘Lame, ok.’

‘Whateve. And my environmental science class blows.’

‘eww, no fuckin’ way!’

‘So sucks’

‘Like, so, err, it’s so, umm, omygod, like ridiculous that, oh wow, too bad there weren’t animals, that would of been so, like, awesome.’

Really, I can’t even make this up.

And this went on for 20 minutes. God, Rick and I wanted to move so badly, but the train was jammed with theater goers and Cubs fans (and they didn’t look happy either), so we sat trapped, gritting our teeth and clenching our fists. I now know the sensation of having nails driven under my fingernails, because this was it. I wanted to turn around and just shove my fist down the one girl’s throat so we could have at least a moment of silence, but I held back.

Then I just lost it, and started to laugh hysterically at the insanity of their incoherent rambles. The future of America, right behind us, needing some serious hooked on Phonics help. The worst part was they go to Northwestern in Evanston. Lord knows who they had to suck off to get there. It was absurd, annoying, and completely maddening all at once, and even though Rick looked horrified at my laughter, I knew it had to burst out somehow so the bloodshed would be minimal.

It was finally around Belmont that we saw an open seat 10 feet away and bolted for the silence. As we got up, I had to mumble under my breathe, but clearly, loud enough for them to hear, a venomous ‘Stupid fucking vapid twits.’ I know they heard me, because as we sat down, both girls were glaring in our general direction. I didn’t give a shit. Rick and I then spent the next few minutes laughing at their clear lack of social… anything.

What I really wanted to do, though, was take a picture of them so I could post here for all to see. I’m kicking myself for not doing it.

As we left the train and walked home, Rick’s closing comment was the best:’One thing I learned in life as I did so much traveling. Never talk about work, about school, or about other people in public. You never know who may be listening and how you may sound to them.’

I couldn’t agree more.

Tagged

So Alan has tagged me. Oh boy, a challenge. Well I met it so here goes.

Here’s how it works. Write 10 interesting things about yourself and tag three other blogs who have to do the same thing. Alan mentioned something about tagging 6 people, but I’m going to start with three.

Anyway, the 10 things:

1. I am full of useless pop culture knowledge, the things you would not expect people to remember. Like the time I won Trivial Pursuit when I played with Alan, Erin and friends by knowing the most random things. It can be scary.

2. Tequila is my shot of preference. I love it.

3. Music is a passion of mine, and while I can sometimes be a music snob, I do have guilty pleasures. Loving the new Cut Copy, Santogold and James. Guilty pleasure…. some of the new Madonna. 🙂

4. I watch soaps… specifically General Hospital. I’ve been a fan since my mom got me hooked in the early 80’s. Sue me.

5. My artistic preferences lean more towards the expressionistic and the abstract expressionistic periods.

6. I’m a photographer and dropped out of grad school because it was too pretentious. And I enjoy photography as a hobby, and cannot stand those over achieving know it alls, like the snobs I encountered the other day, who act like their shit don’t stink and they are God’s gift to the world of photography.

7. Along with being a misanthrope, I am incredibly inpatient. I expect immediate gratification and results in may if not all situations.

8. I am a member of a fraternity, Phi Kappa Tau. I even have the letters tattooed on my leg. And I’m very proud of my fraternal affiliation.

9. I HATE being wrong.

10. My worse secret is that I want everyone to like me.

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ok, you’re it!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Finest Kiss– http://finestkiss.wordpress.com/

All about cool music. I love the latest about the Swervedriver shows, as I’m going to see them in two weeks.

Redevil— http://redevils.wordpress.com/

All about Premiership and Champions League, with a particular emphasis on Man United.

Whine n’ Cheese—http://whinencheese.com/

Ahh, I love it! Another misanthrope!!! 🙂

Left feeling cold in more ways than one

It’s May, and it feels like October. Not that I don’t like the weather in October. In fact I love it. Just in October.

Thankfully the forecast predicts temps in the upper 70’s for this Memorial Day weekend. I just wish it wasn’t accompanied by severe thunderstorms. A sunny day for Sunday, please?!?

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Meanwhile, other random notes:

With Page’s passing, naturally Rick and I will not be going to Florida. Can I say that I’m actually happy about that? Yes. Even if the trip was going to go on, it would not have been fun. We changed the tickets to New York today to go visit Steve instead, which I much rather do. That was the whole purpose of the trip in the first place. Yeah, we were going to Disney and I was truely excited, but it was more about spending time with Steve and Page. Making the change to go to Brooklyn was a no-brainer.

Sadly, even though I received sympathy from AmEx travel, United felt fit to anally rape us for an additional $200 each to go to Newark. I mean, come on, we aren’t canceling the flight, we are staying with your airline, you really want to charge us double? Heartless corporate bitches. I blame this all on escalating fuel prices and that excuse for a President still holed up in the White House like Sadaam in a spiderhole.

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Work is a continuing adventure. I learned how to open the photo lab all by myself on Sunday night so I could do it on Monday. Our lab tech had a family emergency, and on the heels of last weekend’s events and whatnot, who am I to say no, you can’t spend time with your family? I understand all too well. So she taught me how to do it, and very well I must say so myself. I feel like I am close to getting a store of my own soon.

Meanwhile, last night I walked past the old job, Nokia, for the first time since I left, and felt a pang of anger, regret and pity. I’ve talked to my old coworkers, who are getting the brunt of pressure from that crazy fucker W for not making sales. It’s sad when a company is blind to their own downfall. You simply cannot expect your customer base to stay loyal to your product if 1) you don’t make your pricing competitive, 2) You continue to announce and talk about all of these great new products… and then don’t launch them for 6 to 8 months afterwards, thus losing interest, and 3) treat the employees like they are at fault, and make them take a customer retention class. Umm, perhaps the higher ups need to take a customer retention class and realize they are screwing things up. Shit rolls downhill, my dears, not up.

You’ll notice I finally mention who i used to work for. That’s because I don’t care anymore. As a consumer, I can easily tell you what the problem is with a retail store like that. It helps that at one point I had an inside view, and can indeed confirm that the items above are what is holding the Nokia Flagship stores back from success. You can’t blame your sales teams… they are not working in the marketing department or business group that decides when to release a new phone and where. The higher up corporate people are what is causing the flagships to fail. Stop announcing in January that the N78 is coming out… sometime by the end of the year. You announce it, people want it… NOW. Don’t leak prototypes online and in the public, allow people to speculate what it is, and then not talk about it officially for 6 MONTHS! (I’m talking about the E71). The consumer isn’t stupid. When you do finally release it, you’ve already (foolishly) announced it’s replacement to come out… in the fall of 2009. People will just wait. You are idiots. And I feel sorry for my old coworkers who have to suffer through this, and were told when hired (like I was) that they want our feedback and observations… and then ignore it and place the blame on the stores for not selling things. Vicious cycles will not be broken until people listen. SO LISTEN ALREADY.

Page Hamilton Hearn, 1959-2008

Page Hearn

It’s with extraordinarily heavy heart I must note the passing of our friend, Page.

It’s because of Page, and his partner Steve with whom I worked with at the time, that I am with Rick. Page was very protective of his friends, and even when I was new to their circle he took me under his wing and defended me. Like the time he told a drunk acquaintance who was being a jerk on my birthday that no one messes with me, or they would have to deal with him. That was Papa Bear.

It was a very exciting time in Page’s life. He and Steve had just finished moving into their Brooklyn apartment. The four of us (Rick, Page, Steve and I) were joining friends in Disney in two weeks for gay days. Not to mention, Page had his first television speaking role, on Law and Order: SVU back on May 6, as the lead juror in the trial. New York was treating him great, and his acting career was finally getting some major notice. Not to be cliched, but it’s not really fair. But life never is.

For any who knew him here in Chicago, there will be a memorial on June 30 at City Lit Theatre on West Bryn Mawr, from 7-10pm. As Steve put it, we need to make a party and celebrate Page’s life, because knowing him he’d probably be pissed if we weren’t.

I miss you Page. Break a leg.

Dinner at Boka

I keep forgetting to rave about Rick and my fantastic meal at Boka two weeks ago for Rick’s birthday.

After a great afternoon of enjoying Jersey Boys downtown, Rick and I enjoyed the warmth and style of Boka on North Halsted. I knew it was going to be a great meal from the start when our server, RJ, remembered me from my last dining venture there in December with my former coworkers.

I chose a Delta Savignoun Blanc for our meal, which was incredible pairing. Then our meal, which is generally fancier than our usual fair, went as follows:

Rick-Prosciutto wrapped white Asparagus terrine with baby quail eggs;

Me-Maine diver sea scallopes with a pea/wasabi puree, grapefrit and lotus root.

Both- A salad consisting of grilled Bartlett pears and endive, field greens, cashews, a small block of warm (read: breaded and fried) manchengo cheese, and balsamic.

Rick’s entree: Trout with grilled salsify ( is a vegetable whose root and leaves can be used for cooking purposes), braised leeks and watercress, and a truffle foam;

My entree- Braised veal cheeks with broccoli hash and a cauliflower- yukon potato mash, topped with smoked black pepper pine nuts.

The starters and salad were very good. I particularly loved the scallops, and was pleased to learn with my venture with the pea wasabi sauce that I was not indeed allergic to wasabi (I had a strange reaction to something last time we ate at People, and I thought it was the wasabi). Rick’s terrine was very tender and delicious… I think there was truffle infused in there somewhere. The manchengo was particularly complimentary with the salad, although Rick’s preference would have been a bleu cheese (‘It would have been perfect with the pears!’).

The entrees led us to a bit of a surprise. Rick thought the trout was good, but was not blown away over all. I think the truffle foam was a bit much for him. my veal cheeks were melt in your mouth, and Rick agreed. Very rich fare for me.

The topper, however, was the interesting little fried nugget that sat on my plate. We were curious, but I was going to let it go. Rick, however, had to inquire… ‘It’s veal brain that has been breaded and fried’ was the answer I was not expecting. Something told me just to eat it, don’t let the psychological aspect of knowing what it may or may not be get in the way. And not one to back away, I tried it and ate the whole thing. It was tasty with the cheek (which is how it was recommended to be eaten). I still wish I had not known what it was before I ate it so as not to spoil my experience of it, but oh well.

Yes, Alan, I did indeed eat veal brain. Sorry, I still will not eat tripe.

Desserts were next, and I don’t think I need to specify who ordered what:

Coconut tapioca with banana fritters, passion fruit sorbet and aged rum.

A trio of sorbets: grapefruit-campari, blood orange-aperol, lemoncello. They were absolutely divine!

It was a complete and fantastic dining experience that left both of us satisfied. The portions were smaller than what Rick remembered from his previous visit, but he reaffirmed that was not a bad thing whatsoever; our server even acknowledged that since the new chef had taken over, the portion sizes were completely more reasonable than they had been when Boka first opened. I definitely was impressed that RJ remembered me and made our service just as top notch as it was with my first visit. I will need to make a return visit later in the year when the new season’s menu arrives.

For anyone else who has not been to Boka, go and enjoy.

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A not of clarification as I continue my blogs, and thanks to my friend for pointing this out to me a few weeks back.

Whats’ the quote from Steel Magnolias? ‘All gay men have track lightin’. And all gay men are named Mark, Rick, or Steve.” Well I don’t know about track lighting, cause we sure don’t have it, but I have two Ricks in my life. There’s Rick, my partner, with whom the above story involves; and then there is my friend Rick, who I play Euchre and shoot pool with. They are not the same person, and I think they would both admit to not envy the other for his role in my life. That being said, I will try to distinguish the two by noting friend Rick as Rick M.

And incidentally, Rick M does have track lighting, so maybe it’s true what Clairee says.

Augusten Burroughs in Chicago

I got to meet one of my favorite authors today, which for me (as it should be for anyone) is always a big thrill.

Augusten Burroughs of Running With Scissors and Dry fame did a short reading/discussion on his new book, a memoir of his father called A Wolf at the Table. I am a short way into the new book, but it’s dark and, like the rest of his work, utterly fascinating. Highly recommended reading.

As I got there early enough, I had a chance to sit in the front row, and even got to pose the first question: ‘Do you think you’re father’s traumatic homelife with his natural parents impacted his sociopathic behavior towards you?’ I asked, to which Augusten responded, in short, that it might have spurred it on, but the man was always described as having ‘no empathy’, so most likely not. Afterwards, he signed my book and even took a picture with me.

Very cool day, I must say.

Foie Gras is back!

Like it really ever left…

The end is nigh for one of the most recent and most ridiculous laws on the books in Chicago. Our joyous city council voted today to repeal the nearly 2 year old ban on the sale of that delicious delicacy, foie gras. The ban ends at the end of this month.

Foie Gras back at Hot Dougs and Sweets & Savories! Yeah!

The only person still decrying the whole thing, besides PETA, is the village idiot Alderman Joe Moore. He started this whole stupid mess, which would probably explain why his ward, Rogers Park, is still the ghetto it was 10 years ago: because he is too worried about what people eat rather than clean up the crime ridden streets. Come on, check out his site…he even looks like an asshat.

Now if the city would only work on banning something that needs banned, like, oh I don’t, our ridiculous tax rate or the tragic transit.

Glory glory Man United!!

And the soccer season comes to a fitting end…

Manchester United finished their regular season today with a 2-0 victory over Wigan Athletic. Going into the match, they were tied at first in the Premier League with Chelsea, with United holding advantage in goals scored. Victory certainly helped them maintain the lead. Chelsea looked like they had their match in the bag, but conceded a goal in the last 30 seconds of the match and ended with a 1-1 draw. With that draw, Chelsea dropped to second place, and United was securely at the top of the Premiership. Champions once again!!

Alan and I all took in the match with Erin and some of our United pals at Ginger’s Ale House this morning. As you can see, the victory definitely had the group of us celebrating.

Man United have one more match, this time in Europe’s Champions League, where they will go head to head with… Chelsea. Here’s to hoping come May 21, United will win the double!

Did I just see Side Show Bob?

In the city and throughout my excursions, I tend to run into the strangest cast of characters. I guess I have a knack for identifying the strange and freakish in memorable ways. It’s interesting how I seem to relate my chance encounters to characters on the Simpsons. I love pop culture for giving this to me, because while I’m not a huge fan, by comparing a person to a Simpson’s character, I get my thoughts across to a broad sector. I mean come on, if you don’t know who the Simpsons are, you must live under a rock.

Last night, for starters, I was out enjoying Friday night pool with Rick at North End, I stepped out for a brief smoke break with one of our bar friends, Linda. As Linda and I smoked and conversed, I took note of an interesting fellow staring through the window of the bar, watching the drunks. The dour expression on his face, the coils of reddish curls, the bizarre hat on his head- I swear he was the human inspiration for Side Show Bob. I so wanted to snap a picture of him, but not only did I not want to attract his attention, but Linda and I were pulled back in for our next game. Seriously, though, the curls made him a dead ringer. It was spooky.

Then there’s this morning, as I staved off my hangover (Linda just wouldn’t stop buying tequila shots), I rode the Broadway bus home from Rick’s place where I had crashed in the guest room. The 32 bus is always full of unsightly and colorful characters, and this morning everyone was in full Technicolor. The best, or worst, I guess, was the poor woman with a beard that was fuller than mine, babbling on to Lex Luthor seated next to her. I couldn’t help but steal glances of the train wreck she was, and while I was slightly disgusted by her for not making any attempt to try to mask the facial hair, I also pitied that she experienced such a problem. But come on, woman, shave fer Christs sake! Or use Nair, I don’t care, but stop making yourself to be a bigger freak of nature than you already are! Now granted, there’s no Simpson’s character that is the bearded lady, but imagine the Comic Book store geek with glasses and as a woman. There you go.

But my favorite has to do with my old job, and a man who made things so miserable towards the end for me and my coworkers. W, as he will be referred to, was for all intense purposes and behind his gobbledygook-ed title a District Manager, and basically a queeny prick. He treated people like shit and talked down to us, yet demanded ‘high level communication’ in every one of his misspelled text messages or emails. On the phone was worse; once he told me to stop answering the phone ‘like a goddamn queen.’ That was before he hung up on me. Swear. To. God.

Rick and a great deal of my friends never had the displeasure of meeting him, but I took it upon myself to try to give them a visual. I used to have people imagine Mr. Burns from the Simpsons, but gay, in a Prada turtleneck, and chain smoking.

But today I found that creating a W avatar look alike on the Simpson’s web site was even better. Enjoy.

Let’s put it this way. My artistic interpretation is quite therapeutic. And dead accurate, if I do say so myself.